[QUOTE]Basic things, like how to turn the oven on, or how to open a can of tuna...[/QUOTE]

Re: Learn how to cook

[QUOTE]Or when the kitchen is ablaze, how to put out the fire...[/QUOTE]

Re: Or..

[QUOTE]To turn on a stove, try to find the knobs at the top. If you aren't sure, do a google search and that should clear it up. Now, usually you turn the knobs counter-clockwise to increase the heat level (however there are some that go clockwise, check your manual if ya got one. If you don't just test it out.). It depends though, do you want to use the elements on top or the actual stove? Just turn the knob that corresponds to the element (or stove) that you want to use, to the level of heat that you want. The more you turn, the hotter it gets. After that the cooking is up to you. Usually though the cookbooks do a pretty good job of explaining every step. Its not too complicated. To open the tuna, you are gonna need a can opener. You can pick one up at wal-mart or something for pretty cheap if you don't have one. Now it might take a bit of practice if you have never opened a can before but if you keep at it you'll get it. Just line up the sharp circular blade with the edge of the can of tuna. It may vary from can opener to can opener, but usually you just squeeze the handles together to pop the blade into the can. Once the blade has penetrated the can , simply turn the smaller handles opposite the circular blade (to spin the blade). This will cause the blade to start cutting the metal all the way around the can. Once you reach the end of the circle, VOILA! enjoy your tuna. NOW, finally, if you find that you are consistantly lighting fires in the kitchen maybe its time for you to get a girlfriend? (Just kidding). I hear that baking soda is what you are supposed to use for a kitchen fire as water doesn't work as well (for some reason) although If you don't have baking soda in the house, I'm sure water will suffice. Hope this helped. Happy cooking.[/QUOTE]

Re: Here goes...

[QUOTE]Wow Ron.. you make cooking sound so much more complicated than it is! yesterday I tried to make mushroom soup.. from a can. I thought that it didn't really matter when it was finished, because I was just warming it up on the stove. Actually there's some technique to it... But I found that out the hard way. Once I smelt the burning food, I realized I'd burned my supper... but with enough soda crackers and cheese it wasn't that bad. But it took me forever to get that black stuff off the bottom of the pot.[/QUOTE]

Re: Hey I should learn how to cook too

[QUOTE]Saved my life man. Fire is a painful, painful thing (but I guess so is not having a girlfriend, right? ;).[/QUOTE]

Re: Thanks Ron.

[QUOTE]I hate you Ron Burgundy.[/QUOTE]

Re: Ron, ron, ron...

[QUOTE][QUOTE]Fire is a painful, painful thing (but I guess so is not having a girlfriend, right? ;).[/QUOTE] Are you comparing not having a girlfriend to a kitchen fire? That's an odd comparison..[/QUOTE]

Re: Thanks Ron.

[QUOTE]Ok... I've tried to follow your instructions. But my stove didn't have some of the buttons and widgets that you seemed to be describing, so I sorta improvised. My stove has a big round element (?), but there's water in the middle.. And there was no knobs, but this little thing that I could sorta move up and down. I pushed it down so that it would pre-heat the element, and all of a sudden the water in the middle started going crazy. I figured that maybe it was supposed to do that so I just wen't on to the next step. I took the can I found (I think its tuna?) and looked around for my can opener. The can opener I had was just some pointy metal thing. After a while and a few close calls I managed to get the can somewhat open and I dropped the tuna(?) onto the element. It got all wet. I let it sit for around half an hour to heat up, but it didn't seem to do much, so I figured maybe it was done and that my stove was significantly more intellegent than the average stove. I took it out, but it smelt a bit like soggy cat food... Can you please let me know where I wen't wrong? Thanks.[/QUOTE]

Re: Here goes...

[QUOTE]That all sounds so very familiar. I think that maybe you were supposed to throw something in there with the tuna(?). Possibly ketchup? Or maybe mayo? You know what the trickiest part is? Trying to towel dry the tuna so that it doesn't drip water all over the bread (assuming you want to make a sandwich).[/QUOTE]

Re: Wow.

[QUOTE][QUOTE] Are you comparing not having a girlfriend to a kitchen fire? That's an odd comparison..[/QUOTE] Yeah. You'd think so wouldn't you? They're strangly similar.[/QUOTE]

Re: Thanks Ron.

[QUOTE][QUOTE][QUOTE]Fire is a painful, painful thing (but I guess so is not having a girlfriend, right? ;).[/QUOTE] Are you comparing not having a girlfriend to a kitchen fire? That's an odd comparison..[/QUOTE] Maybe the fire isn't in the kitchen... maybe it's somewhere else. Is there itching along with the burning? Ok I'm just teasing![/QUOTE]

Re: Mwahahahahaa