Elements of interpersonal communication

The three elements of communication that transmit pieces of information when you are speaking to someone are: verbal, paraverbal, and non-verbal.  The listener perceives and uses all of this information to extract meaning from your messages.

These are the specific words, grammar and style of language chosen to articulate the meaning contained in the message being sent.

These are the ways in which the words and style of language are articulated in the message being sent. Some paraverbal elements include, but are not limited to:

• Pitch:  The musical quality of the voice, which is actually determined by the frequency of vibrations created in the vocal cords. The more elongated the vocal cords, the higher the pitch. Similar to tone below, pitch can communicate information about the state of the speaker.

• Tone:  The psychological and/or emotional aspects communicated by the speaker that impact the prosody or vocal quality of what is being said.  For example someone speaking with minimal emotion (i.e., boredom) they may have a flat or blunt intonation of speech compared to someone speaking in an agitated state (i.e., excited or scared) or with a whine (i.e., tired) or condescending (i.e., arrogant) manner of voice. 

• Stress:  The placement of stress on a particular syllable or word can alter the intended meaning communicated by a phrase.  The table below provides an illustration of how meaning can change depending on the word that is stressed.

• Rate or speed of speech:  The pace of the words and sentences can communicate things such as hurriedness or nervousness, or whether something is important or not.  For example, students may notice when a professor is stating something of particular importance, as their rate of speech will often change: either slow down or speed up, depending on the individual and their normal pattern of speech. 
  
  
• Volume or amplitude:  The loudness of what is spoken. Someone shouting information is received differently than someone whispering.

These are the signals sent through body language that affect meaning contained in the message being sent. Approximately half of what is communicated is done so through non-verbal means.

Non-verbal elements include:

• Body posture – are you sitting or standing facing the other person while slouched or poised for flight?

• Arms and legs – are you shielding your body with crossed arms and legs?

• Hands and feet – are they still or busy moving around or fidgeting with things?

• Eye contact – are you looking at the other person and holding their gaze appropriately, looking elsewhere while they speak or rolling your eyes?

• Facial expressions – are you smiling, scowling, showing boredom or disapproval?

• Distance or proximity between the speaker and listener – are you too close or far away from the other person? 

When the three elements transmit congruent information, then the messages sent are usually clear and effective. This increases the chances that the listener will correctly interpret the messages you are trying to convey. If however any of the three elements transmit conflicting information, then the messages sent may be confusing to the receiver. This decreases the chances that the messages will be correctly interpreted.

Active listening

While the choice of words, tone and rate of speech, and body language are all critical for effective communication to transpire, there is another component that plays an equally important role: listening.

The listener is the entire other half of the communication paradigm. The listener has the critical role of receiving and processing sent information.  And, they must do so accurately in order to formulate an appropriate response to the message that has been sent. Active listening increases the likelihood that this interplay has greater fidelity because it allows the listener to verify with the speaker whether the interpretations he or she is making are accurate. 

Active listening changes the communication dynamic from merely listening as a part of the basic information exchange to a deeper process of listening for meaning.  Active listening serves to collate information and assess all of the communication cues (verbal, paraverbal, and non-verbal) simultaneously.  As a consequence, the intention of the listener changes from a passive recipient to one engaged in ensuring that they understand the entire message.  Further, when employing active listening, the listener conveys to the speaker, in both subtle and overt ways, that they understand what is being communicated. 

• Paraphrases or summarizes what they hear to ensure the verbal message they receive is accurate.
• Reflects feelings of the speaker to ensure the paraverbal and non-verbal message they receive are accurate.
• Strives to be non-judgmental.
• Asks both open- and closed-ended questions to retrieve maximum, relevant information.
• Tries to put themselves in the speaker’s shoes or see things from their perspective.
• Attends to the speaker by:
• Sitting or standing in a comfortable proximity to the speaker, leaning slightly toward the speaker, 
• Using open posture (arms and legs are relaxed or uncrossed),
• Nodding, shifting their bodies, using their hands and facial gestures in a natural, sensitive, and appropriate manner, and
• Avoiding distracting, dismissive behaviours (shuffling papers, checking messages or emails, etc.) while the speaker is talking.

Email communication

As email usage becomes increasingly prevalent in academia, skills for its appropriate use and management ought to be acquired as part of your graduate student experience.

If you are working as a teaching/laboratory assistant or teaching an undergraduate course you may receive a high volume of emails from students, especially during peak times like exams and term work deadlines. However, you will likely only have a limited amount of time to dedicate to the task of reading and responding to messages. Regardless of how much or how little time you have allotted to manage your email, you do need to follow some basic rules of discourse. Being busy does not negate the need to be civil when corresponding with others through email. 

Before you login to retrieve another email here are some tips that you may want to consider.

• To avoid constant and disruptive checks for new messages, it may be helpful to develop an email management schedule. Then, let your students and other relevant people know what your schedule is so they can expect responses from you accordingly. This allows you greater control and sets limits on how much time you spend on emails each day. For example: check emails one hour before any class you teach and then only two other times a day according to your stated schedule. 
• Decide if an email is really the right medium. Sometimes a quick phone call is appreciated or if the message contains very sensitive or confidential information perhaps speaking directly with the person or a formal letter is a better means of communication.
• Confirm that you are sending your message to the right person and to the right email address.
• Consider what level of formality is required. Address the intended recipient accordingly.
• Take a moment to ensure that your message conveys an appropriate tone and contains suitable language for your reader. Refer to the University of Manitoba's Language Usage Guidelines for more information.
• According to email conventions, the use of all capital letters is the equivalent to shouting at the message recipient.
• Be mindful of who you include as a recipient of the email. Ask yourself, “Does this email really need to be copied or forwarded to someone else?” and “Am I in accordance with The Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act (FIPPA)?” especially when dealing with third party information.
• Bear in mind that what is funny to one person may not be to another person before using humour or passing on a joke. Refer to  Use of Computer Facilities and Respectful Work and Learning Environment for more information.
• Proof read your email for spelling and grammatical mistakes that may obscure your message.
• Use appropriate subject-line references to cue your reader to the email’s purpose.
• If you want to “confirm receipt”, send the message tagged by using the appropriate function if your email supports it.  However, also state in the body of the message that you are asking for the recipient to confirm receipt of the email even if they do not have the time to formally respond to the content. 
• Be timely in sending a response but also very cautious about constructing or replying to messages when you are upset or otherwise distracted.

Remember that sending an email translates into a hard-copy document that you can’t get back once the recipient receives and opens it.  Therefore, after you’ve performed a spell check, perform a “civility” check. Then, hit ‘Send’.

Telephone communication

The use of the telephone seems simple enough, right?  It normally is simple when talking to friends or family.  Why then can it sometimes pose difficulties in ensuring that accurate and appropriate communication takes place?

When speaking face to face with someone, even if you don’t know him or her well, you are in a better position to determine if you understand each other. In person, you have available to you many of the cues that help you communicate (verbal, paraverbal, and non-verbal). On the phone you are missing several important elements that facilitate the communication process. For example, you cannot see the other person’s facial expressions, establish eye-contact, determine if they are fidgeting, is in the middle of something else that is important, or is attentively taking notes. Also, it is harder to engage in the active listening process and convey to the other person that you are engaged in active listening. Using the telephone is actually quite complex in the absence of this helpful, if not critical, information.

Still we use the phone all the time; it is indispensable in academia and the larger workplace. What is important to understand while talking to someone by phone is that information is missing and therefore assumptions can be misleading. This means extra vigilance is required to ensure that accurate communication is taking place. 

The following are useful guidelines for effective telephone communication:

• Prepare yourself well before you place a call. Review your information and organize the points you hope to cover in order of importance, starting with the most important items. Also, anticipate the information you may need for the call and have it ready for reference.
• Have a pen and paper ready to take notes – document the call: time, date, phone number, who called whom, and name of the person to whom you spoke. If there is no answer and no message could be left, record that, too.
• Call from a place with minimal distractions and minimal noise. If you are taking a call, attempt to minimize background noise and distractions or suggest a more suitable time for the call.
• Before you place the call, sit up straight and smile – it can help relay a more positive and enthusiastic message.
• If the call is complex in nature, set a telephone appointment and when possible follow an agenda to help facilitate the call’s efficiency.

• Determine that you have reached the correct person. If not, confirm the dialed number (read the number you have) to avoid redialing the incorrect number and bothering them a second time. Close with a simple apology for having dialed a wrong number and hang-up.
• If you have the correct person, state who you are and the reason for the call right up front.
• When placing an unscheduled call, ask if this is a good time to speak to the other person.  If it is not (unless it is time-sensitive and urgent), arrange for a mutually convenient time to place the call. 
• If taking an unscheduled call let the caller know if it is a good time or not for you to speak with them.
• Respect people’s time and minimize unnecessary banter. Be concise.
• Speak clearly and with appropriate speed, not too quickly or slowly.
• Respect people’s privacy. Whenever you deal with another person’s sensitive or confidential information, take steps to minimize the potential for others to overhear the private conversation or access your notes.   
• Before you hang-up, confirm that you both understand the information exchanged.
• Quickly summarize the critical facts, relevant timelines/deadlines, and/or the next step(s). 
• If you are the one providing details to a caller, ask them to summarize the critical facts, relevant timelines/deadlines, and/or next step(s) back to you.
•  Correct any misunderstandings immediately.

• If you must leave a voicemail message:
• Speak slowly and clearly. 
• State your name and phone number at the outset,
• Name the person you wish to reach,
• State a time to return your call, and
• Close by repeating your phone number.
• If you plan to leave a message with someone other than the intended recipient:
• Ask the person on the phone if they would mind taking the message.
• Politely ask if they have a pen and paper since you would like to leave your name, phone number and a time to return the call.
• If they cannot record the information, then politely and patiently ask them to let the person know that you called and that you’ll call back. 
• Before hanging up, ask when a good time to call back and reach the intended person might be and thank them for their time.
• Record the attempt to call on your notes – time, date, and if possible name of the person to whom you spoke.
• If it is urgent and there is an answering machine in the home, another option is to ask if you can call right back and leave a message on the machine or voicemail for the recipient to retrieve whenever they return.
• Do not leave any confidential or personal information with another person or on an answering machine unless you have been clearly directed by the person you are trying to reach to do so, and by what means. If in doubt, leave it out of the message!

• If you or the caller becomes uncomfortable, angry, or distressed, take a deep breath and politely state that you intend to terminate the call and for what reason.
• For example, if language becomes abusive, state that you will not continue the call until the language is civil,
• State whether you are prepared to continue or speak again another day, and
• If there is no acknowledgement or compliance, politely say good-bye and hang-up.
• Document the call: time (start and termination of call), date, phone number, name of other party, who called whom, details of conversation, details of termination and offered resolution, and names of witnesses (if any).

Communicating with your peers

Graduate students are in a unique arena when interacting with their peers during their studies. Peers are friends and coworkers, and often serve as both formal and informal supports throughout times of fun and sometimes times of extreme difficulty or personal hardship. Moreover, peers may be future colleagues of varying authority and influence.

When it comes to establishing patterns of communication with peers, be mindful of the more informal relationships of today but also of those that could arise in the future:

• Cultivate respectful, professional relationships with peers.
• Encourage the use of constructive, professional feedback processes in formal and informal settings: classes, presentations, thesis defenses, and the graduate student lounge.
• Set appropriate boundaries for when and where jokes, play-time, and work take place.
• Respect each other’s boundaries; be extra-mindful if the boundaries are different from yours.
• Respect differences and similarities, they can enrich the learning/working environment.
• Develop principles of integrity for interpersonal communications and put them into good practice (i.e., confidentiality, honesty, adhere to policies, etc).
• Do your own work.
• Unless the peer relationship is also a friendship, be judicious of disclosing or complaining too much about personal matters.
• Avoid gossip.

A word about humour

CAUTION!

Laughter and humour are wonderful things.  You should absolutely ensure that you inject them into your life. However, it is prudent to do so wisely when others are directly or indirectly involved. Rifts in relationships have occurred when what was “supposed to be funny” or “just kidding around” was not interpreted that way.

What each person sees as “funny” is often a matter of personal taste and experience. There may be shared experiences or a similar knowledge base that can translate into particular groups of people finding similar things funny.  But again, how that humour is expressed or interpreted has great variability between folks regardless of commonality in background or history. 

Always be mindful that intentions are not as important as outcomes when referring to interpersonal matters.  A joke, cartoon, song, set-up or skit is not harmless, regardless of an intention of it to be so, if it is injurious to another person.